Tina’s daughter Alice recently turned 9
i’m actually a very chill person IRL like sometimes i only cry maybe once, twice a day
when you really hate the fuck out of someone but you cant say shit because everyone else loves them and you know deep down in your cold dead heart that they’re a terrible person
having body hair annoys me but removing body hair also annoys me and also life, life annoys me
i swear i’d dress better but i’m poor and fat
Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! BILL!
choking on water is the worst because how do you stop choking? drink something? well ive got some bad news for you
- guinness world records man: sir you have done nothing but do pushups from this one spot for 20 years with no rest. what drives you?
- me, still doing pushups: i wanna push this planet out of the idiot solar system and into the horrifying abyss of the unknown universe and this is the only way I know how
- world records man, in awe: [drops everything and instantly begins doing pushups next to me]